A friendly reminder from your Uncle CB

"CB" (jrcb) 01/31/2019 at 19:09 • Filed to: Now is not the time to panic

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Valentine’s Day is in two weeks.

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:14

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oh god again?

we doing this shit every year or something?

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:15

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I’ve been married 19 years, it’s like “woo hoo”, pls no fart in bed, thx .

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:15

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Discounted candy at your local grocery store on 2/15

Spanfeller is a twat > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:17

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I am uncertain about a woman I want to ask out.

Her dog likes me, but our entire friendship is based on her dog being unusually fond of me.

So we only hang out with the dog, if I ask her if she wants to go for lunch or something, she says that sure but that the dog can’t go because of logistics, and maybe she doesn’t say it but deep down she doesn’t want to go without the dog.

So I’m trying to break that level of friendship w ere it’s not only about the dog, but it’s gonna take more than two weeks.

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:17

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This is what my beloved is getting this year

wafflesnfalafel > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:18

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N o problem, I got it all planned out - both my wife and I will go to work really early, get home really late, then fall asleep. Romantic enough?

VajazzleMcDildertits - read carefully, respond politely > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:18

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I’m going to be out of town for that week , I told her we’d clean up on clearance chocolate when we’d get back (that’s our tradition on the 15th typically. )

She prefers the clearance chocolate over any other corporate sponsored commissions for the day, and we celebrate both our dating anniversary and our wedding anniversary, so it seems to be working so far. 

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 01/31/2019 at 19:19

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aww honey you bought me day old doughnuts!

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Spanfeller is a twat 01/31/2019 at 19:20

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Dude you got an in, good with the dog good with the girl.

Monkey B > Spanfeller is a twat 01/31/2019 at 19:25

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from experience I’d give up on that.

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > Spanfeller is a twat 01/31/2019 at 19:26

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Solution: Ask the dog out for lunch and the girl will come.

interstate366, now In The Industry > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:28

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I think we’re missing the bigger holiday here: Pierre Gasly’s birthday is in one week. (It’s the same day as mine, but I am not notable.)

lone_liberal > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/31/2019 at 19:32

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Now that would be a holiday.

Spanfeller is a twat > Monkey B 01/31/2019 at 19:34

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I don't really have high hopes anyway. She's a good collegue though, and her dog is fucking awesome.

Spanfeller is a twat > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 01/31/2019 at 19:34

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But then I'd have to give the front seat of my car to the dog.

Dash-doorhandle-6 cyl none the richer > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:35

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I thought you were gonna tell us not to do c rimes.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > lone_liberal 01/31/2019 at 19:39

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She keeps feeding me lentils and beans and boom I explode.

CB > Dash-doorhandle-6 cyl none the richer 01/31/2019 at 19:39

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I mean, that was a given.

Dogsatemypants > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:48

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May somebody shat in your hat. Stow that hallmark holiday garbage please.

Dash-doorhandle-6 cyl none the richer > CB 01/31/2019 at 19:52

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Way too cold. plus I’m so squeaky clean I can joke about doing crimes. 

KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time > Spanfeller is a twat 01/31/2019 at 19:54

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Win win!

Spanfeller is a twat > KingT- 60% of the time, it works every time 01/31/2019 at 19:54

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It would look sort of like my profile picture, except her dog is a pitbul, so it's a bit larger.

CB > Dogsatemypants 01/31/2019 at 19:58

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Well that’s a little extreme.

MM54 > CB 01/31/2019 at 20:13

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Being sad and lonely, I look forward to cheap candy in two weeks plus a day.

CB > MM54 01/31/2019 at 20:15

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The cheap candy will be a plus.

>Insert hypothetical situation about meeting your soulmate while buying cheap candy after Valentine’s Day. Call me, Lifetime Network.

nermal > Spanfeller is a twat 01/31/2019 at 20:31

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The key is to send weiner pics to all of her friends, thus invoking major jealousy.

Then ask her out for a drink. When she inevitably says yes and you go through with it, m ake sure the first thing you order is a round of Jager Bombs .

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Dogsatemypants 01/31/2019 at 20:33

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I'm  pretty sure CB is happily with some lady he likes. 

Spanfeller is a twat > nermal 01/31/2019 at 20:34

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I don't think that'd fly with her. But hell, I'll give it a try.

G_Body_Man: Sponsored by the number 3 > CB 01/31/2019 at 20:35

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Yeah, instead of watching everyone be lovey dovey ,   I’m going to CIAS as a credentialed member of the media. Journalism school has its perks.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > CB 01/31/2019 at 20:36

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If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > CB 01/31/2019 at 20:36

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Pretty sure Hallmark already did that one.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spanfeller is a twat 01/31/2019 at 20:37

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Dead end dot gif

Spanfeller is a twat > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 01/31/2019 at 20:38

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Is it really a dead end if there's a cool dog included?

CB > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 01/31/2019 at 20:39

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I’ve even been told she likes me too! That’s the surprising part.

CB > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/31/2019 at 20:39

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Dammit.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Spanfeller is a twat 01/31/2019 at 20:41

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The dog is nice, but don’t wait around for the owner to notice you.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > CB 01/31/2019 at 20:42

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It’s always weird when a lady actually likes you. Not really sure what my wife sees in me, but it’s better to be lucky than good.

CB > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 01/31/2019 at 20:43

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Sometimes I think about asking what she sees in me, but I'm worried that she'll realize that she can do better.

Spanfeller is a twat > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo 01/31/2019 at 20:44

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Am not! It's the best part of low expectations.

Dogsatemypants > CB 01/31/2019 at 20:58

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Bad day coupled with an agressive hatred of valentines day. Sorry. That was rude.

Begone with valentines day

CB > Dogsatemypants 01/31/2019 at 21:01

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No worries. Just take care, alright bud?

Dogsatemypants > CB 01/31/2019 at 21:07

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I will be fine. lost a job, made a call had a new job before i left the parking lot of the old one. Life moves on, i’m just a bit surly today.

CB > Dogsatemypants 01/31/2019 at 21:12

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Sucks on losing the job, good on having a new one.

Dogsatemypants > CB 01/31/2019 at 21:18

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It isnt my first choice, its the one i left to go after the one i was let go from. But they need people, and there are a few people i get along with.

pip bip - choose Corrour > CB 02/01/2019 at 06:09

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happily single, so it doesn’t bother me

Monkey B > Monkey B 02/01/2019 at 07:18

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for the reasons of:

It doesn’t sound like she’s playing hard to get, you’re likely just in the friendzone. If you ever made it past friendzone status it’s because she settled. She likes you and all, but you don’t grab her by the boo boo. You’d spend too much time being the agreeable friend that she’d end up expecting more of the same.

Or, you might be too nice. She may have been interested but you but in your attempts to woo you may come off a little too nice. Sounds weird but dial it back a little on the nice and let some edge loose....it might flip the script.

I met a wrong one once and lost myself trying to reel her in. I reeled her in, married her in fact, and went on to realize that we not only didn’t like each other...we didn’t even know each other.